Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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