I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
