Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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