Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
