hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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