Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
