she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have feelings that need drinking.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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