I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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