...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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