I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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