wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
