My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
