Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
