I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
