i already hear my dad disowning me
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We left the knife in your bed.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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