I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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