So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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