everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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