No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
