What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
