He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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