either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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