I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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