Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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