Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
