I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
