i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
