Plan B is the new Plan A
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
