His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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