Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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