Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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