I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
