I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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