Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
