i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
