I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
