So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
