i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You were trust falling into bushes
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
