i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues