Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It was confusing and full of hummus
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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