So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
