I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.