Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.

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  (513): You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god. (513): and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon. http://tfl.nu/ae2p
  Replies (21) Good night (5625) Bad night (1194)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight

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  (716): I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight http://tfl.nu/nte9
  Replies (24) Good night (746) Bad night (5032)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ask politely.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thats good enough.

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  (484): Ask politely. (610): Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you? (484): Thats good enough. http://tfl.nu/nxir
  Replies (62) Good night (13722) Bad night (1494)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?

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  (724): Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos? http://tfl.nu/mgyg
  Replies (27) Good night (4061) Bad night (1123)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub

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  (918): Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub http://tfl.nu/8dtz
  Replies (8) Good night (2136) Bad night (1173)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.

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  (832): Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me. http://tfl.nu/x609
  Replies (5) Good night (2625) Bad night (885)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover

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  (203): im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover http://tfl.nu/eh7g
  Replies (1) Good night (1672) Bad night (757)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.

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  (813): Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom. http://tfl.nu/y5hs
  Replies (7) Good night (2299) Bad night (800)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer

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  (647): well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer http://tfl.nu/wxzh
  Replies (3) Good night (1304) Bad night (626)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian

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  (775): A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian http://tfl.nu/crio
  Replies (2) Good night (1933) Bad night (531)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option

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  (253): My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option http://tfl.nu/xa3f
  Replies (11) Good night (921) Bad night (586)
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  (714): View more from California

  Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.

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  (714): Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to. http://tfl.nu/rk2y
  Replies (5) Good night (725) Bad night (1420)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting

  (1-347): View more from New York

  Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?

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  (347): Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting (1-347): Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks? http://tfl.nu/86eo
  Replies (1) Good night (798) Bad night (389)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back

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  (647): I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back http://tfl.nu/xuo9
  Replies (1) Good night (372) Bad night (541)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over

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  (269): My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over http://tfl.nu/ujfd
  Replies (0) Good night (291) Bad night (173)

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