Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
