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with your own penis?
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
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