your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.