We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
