it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
