i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
