I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
