would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
