every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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