I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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