does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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