i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
