i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
