my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
