OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
People with herpes should wear stickers.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
