We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
