he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
