Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
