he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
