I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
