my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
