so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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