i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
