I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
