Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
