I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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