My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
