Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
