Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
