I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This is my gift to your gina
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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